Being unconditionally constructive means that in a relationship with you, I should do only those things that are both good for the relationship and good for me, whether or not you reciprocate. Being unconditionally constructive is a way to describe the basis for a good working relationship whether it is between nations, organizations, or individuals, and whether the relationship is long-term or a one-time negotiation. It does not matter whether they follow my example; I choose how I will work with them.
You’re frustrated. You want to improve your relationships and reduce your dissatisfaction level and so you try to fix the people who are making you frustrated. Spoiler alert: it’s not going to work. The change you need is in your own head. Change your perspective by presuming positive intent. You can be a better leader and improve your life in general by changing that one assumption.
Behaving with respect for others and being treated with respect seems simple and common sense. In extreme situations it may be easy to identify harassment, discrimination, workplace violence, or other human rights violations which could indicate a lack of respect in the workplace. Closer to the dividing line it is not so easy to distinguish respect from a lack of respect.
Holiday season can be a time when the things that divide us seem much harder to deal with. Especially when alcohol consumption is part of the event, holiday gatherings can be very challenging with family, friends, or co-workers who don’t share our views. It helps to approach the holidays with a Holiday Peace Plan to make sure our holiday conversations are peaceful and communicate the level of thoughtfulness that we would like.
“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”
When we find ourselves in a conflict, it is even more important to remember that we see the world from our own eyes. The challenge for those of us trying to resolve conflict is to set aside our own picture while we take the time to listen and understand the other person’s “truth”.